Give Us a Heart For Love Alone

Catherine,
The people who are shaking their heads in disappointment probably don't understand the true meaning of what you're trying to say anyway. Decisions made today will not have a great impact on your future. It is not necessary to focus too hard on the outcome. Confusion works to your advantage, if you play your cards right.


A couple weeks ago in one of my classes, my professor projected an image of a Muffler Shop sign with a political message on it. She told us to freewrite our initial reaction to it. Immediately, I spotted one message that stood out to me as a reflection of the author's perspective. For an hour, the class discussed different aspects of the message.. tried to figure out what it really meant. We strayed to many possibilities but none of them led to what I wrote down. By the end of class, our professor led us to the conclusion I had drawn at the beginning.

The last few days I have been completely wrapped in different problems, one after the other. Some having nothing to do with the other. Ultimately, I was giving myself a headache with all the negativity. Some things were beyond my control, and I'm trying to learn to shut that shit off.

But for the part that I do have control over...

It's been three years here. I've involved myself in different activities on campus. I've met hundreds of people. I've been to events, dinners, lunches, talks, meetings, workshops, socials... And still I find myself not fully connected. I could blame it on my negative attitude, but I know that I've put in a lot of effort into finding my place here.

The truth is.. I left something at home that cannot be replaced no matter how many hours I spend away from it. In high school, I found the greatest friends anyone could ask for. They are the people I can cry with for hours, laugh with for days, say random things with and not be shunned. In their presence, I feel content, loved, and fully alive. Each of us is comfortable with each other to the point where we know each others' worst qualities yet still choose to call them our best friends. Not all of us grew up together, but we were present during the formative years that created the foundation for the men and women we will become. Becuse of that, we still find ourselves reminiscing and picking up where we left off. Three years after graduation, I see that the bond we formed still exists and is probably stronger than ever. We spend time together, and by the end of it we all crave more.

That's true friendship.

I don't regret my choice to come here, but I guess I'm still learning my purpose for being here. Sometimes we have to go away to find that the answer was right in front of us at the beginning.