The Problem with Labels... and Perspective

Photo Credit: Sex and the Ivy

"What people forget with labels is that they fail to capture the uniqueness of individual relationships."
Read the full entry at Sex and the Ivy

My friend Lara sent me a blog entry written by a Harvard student about the pressure of her friends and society at large to label her personal relationship. Today I had a conversation with a friend from home about the inability to label friendships.. as well as the impossibility to fully understand any relationship from the outside. Yet, towards the end of the summer, I was having several conversations with friends about the problems in their relationships with significant others. And I was offering my opinions as if I could predict the outcome of future actions. I do believe in the uniqueness of each relationship. However, I also believe in the truth of the human experience. As I've said before, we are unique in our combination of experiences and history. But not one of our qualities is completely original. When something goes wrong in a relationship (or even when something goes right, perhaps according to societal standards), friends generally take the 'I saw that coming' stance. Often, friends see the problems more clearly than the person in the relationship. Then again, relationships outlast fights and frustrations and overcome outside opinion and obstacles. So my question is... Who really sees relationships more clearly? The couple? Or their friends?

Wake Up and Smell the Truth

Photo Credit: dpatterson.blogspot.com

As I was walking to class today, the school newspaper caught my attention. More correctly, something sticking out of the newspaper caused a double take on my part: a supplemental ad for Walmart.


I've been to Walmart once in my life, but I hear about the great prices. Blah blah blah. However, more frequently I hear about the protests against the corporation. Unfair wages. General abuse of employees. All kinds of issues against justice and rights. I do believe our university continually contradicts itself on the global issues it stands for.

1) People across the country stand against Walmart, yet my "progressive" campus allows newspaper sponsorship, we can assume, for the purpose of advertising money.

2) Social justice groups annually protest the unfair treatment of hotel employees at the Hilton LAX, yet Student Life approves the use of the hotel's facilities for another student group's formal.

3) A multi-year campaign for campus diversity ends with the following facts (And note that the term "diversity" has frequently been defended to include not only race and ethnicity, but socioeconomic background and hometown/out-of-area students):
-Every year admissions follows a pattern of 12% acceptance of certain racial groups.
-This year, 1/3 of the freshmen class is on financial aid, compared to the 3/4 of the graduating senior class who are.

4) Tons of people on campus promote environmental change, yet recycling is not exactly encouraged and definitely not enforced. Composting? I don't even think a fourth of the population knows what that is.


We shout SOCIAL JUSTICE! DIVERSITY! CHANGE! from the rooftops, yet fail to instill these values in all of our students. Many students are or become advocates for global issues, but far more graduate without educating their whole person. According to a member of the Jesuit community at Santa Clara University, this entails "an integrated humanism, faith and scholarly inquiry, and engagement with the world in pursuit of justice." As of now, our university is lucky if alumni exemplify one of these missions of growth.

Arrivederci, Summer Love!

Catherine,
Any doubt you had about your current position in life is put to rest as the Moon makes its way into a new Sign. You would add much to your credibility if you converted some old rivals into allies. Work hard to convince unlikely partners to go along with your ideas. Do not break anything that can't be fixed.

The last couple of days reconfirmed the blessings I have in my life. After the experiences I've had this year, I finally took a moment to look back and consider how they affected me. As I leave my favorite city again, I go with the knowledge that everything happens for a reason. Change is okay. And when I come back, some things may be different while others remain frozen in time until I'm ready to pick up where I left off. No amount of force on my part will keep anything the way it is if it is not meant to be. Therefore, I vow to stop trying to control what I cannot and let nature take its course.

I'm still unsure of who I am becoming, but for the first time I can enjoy life and simply live an adventure. Each day is a chance to change for the better, so why hold on to the past when the future is already brighter?

Last Weekend at Home

Catherine, When you're in this kind of great mood, the only person to whom you owe an explanation is yourself. It might not be what you want to hear, but you and a romantic partner may be more comfortable as friends. Don't try to continue a relationship if you are getting nothing out of it. Avoid blaming anyone today without hearing his or her side of the story.

I'm leaving home again in a few days, and I don't know if the move has ever been this bittersweet. I have so much to look forward to this semester, and I've actually moved my trip up a couple of days. (If you know me, you'll know that this is epic.) But the most eventful summer of my life is concluding. Soon everyone will be adopting a new daily routine once again, so I know we'll just have to put things on pause until we reunite. However, with my recent history I know that when I come back, things may not be the same yet again.

I hope this time is different.

Last Eleven Days of Summer

Catherine,
You suddenly have the power and the desire to make dreams come true, whether they're yours or someone else's. Work on improving your own image before you try to change someone else's. You are the most important person in your life right now. Someone may be trying hard to make you look bad.

This may be the only time in our lives when we are allowed to be self-centered. We are young. A lot of young people waste their years worrying about other people.. whether it is in a relationship, focusing on what others think of them, or obsessing over someone else's life. They become so engrossed in one thing that they cannot see clearly past to notice the opportunities awaiting.

We need to live unapologetically and stand for something. We need to learn the beauty of balance. We need to find our purpose and our personality without constantly comparing ourselves to others. We need to try new things, meet new people, and find passion without relying on others to make us happy. We need to break molds and believe that we are invincible as long as we're alive.

Our youth is short. The world might not be a better place once the opportunities pass us by.

Just Throwing It Out There...

Catherine,
Those who like being watched will just have to be satisfied with a distant audience right now. Problems in your personal life will continue to intensify unless you have a heart-to-heart talk with a loved one. You must stop avoiding the difficult issues. The two of you must try to spend more time together.

The Break-up in Pietrasanta

On the second night of our stay in Pietrasanta, my friends and I decided on a pizzeria near the main town square. (Pietrasanta is such a small town that we had walked the entire length of the commercial area and seen the menus of every restaurant possible.)

Halfway through dinner, we all became antsy for the nutella pizza dessert we pre-ordered. However, Tara turned our attention to a couple that was sitting at the table next to us. They were too far to hear but too close to look away.

The girl was looking intently at the guy who was concentrating on smoking his cigarette. She barely moved while he did not turn to face her once in the first ten minutes we watched them.

We came up with two possible scenarios:
A: She cheated on him, and she desperately wanted his forgiveness. Being disgusted with her infidelity, he could not bring himself to look at her.

B: He found a new woman. He wanted to end the relationship and move on to someone younger and less intense. He lost interest in this girl, but she would do anything to get him back. His mind fantasizing about his new squeeze, he could not bring himself to look at the pathetic girl in his presence.

For twenty minutes more, we saw their lips move. We saw her move in closer. He kept smoking cigarettes like he was alone on his Italian stoop. Neither of them seemed to interact with their waitress. At the end of their dinner, their lips pecked. His expression never changed. We fell in love with Nutella pizza.

To this day, that evening in Italia stands out to me. The number of people in our world astounds me. I constantly find myself writing a story in my mind about random people who catch my attention. I'm naturally curious about other people's lives. We encounter hundreds of strangers on a daily basis. I wonder how many people we leave an imprint on.