Pink Cupcakes

I woke up at four in the afternoon today, a reminder of one of my first weeks of summer. I'd missed two calls.. and the will to do anything productive. The rest of the day made sure that I would continue to feel like shit. Despite the fact that most of my friends are home, I didn't really have anyone to hang out with because everyone else had plans. And I had a headache.

The truth is, no matter what I say I would rather be out than taking a nap. However, I am a strong advocate of finding ways to make yourself feel better without relying on other people for happiness. When you rely on others, you open the door for disappointment. When you rely on other people, you may never discover the way to be happy with yourself. Yet I suppose you can disappoint yourself as well.

So for the rest of the day, I found ways to keep myself busy.. I went out to buy dinner. I started a new scrapbook. I watched a disc of Friends. I took a nap. And, once again, I missed two calls.
Waking up at eleven thirty at night does not provide much opportunity to do anything at all. Everyone else is out and about, looking for parties. I lay in bed, fully made-up in my new LMU sweatshirt and my favorite comfortable pair of jeans with no one to hang out with. When I learned that there was no chance of me going out, I got my ass out of bed before any pathetic tears could form. I looked in the mirror, and my attention went immediately to the letters on my sweatshirt.

I miss LMU. I miss school. And the weird thing is, what I'm looking forward to is fall semester when ninety percent of my time will be devoted to my education.

I don't know if that feeling is normal. But I realize that it is almost the end of June, and August will come just as fast as May passed. I try to occupy myself with the carefree happiness of summer.. and the joys of seeing old friends. And I try to ignore the fact that I look forward to going to class more than I look forward to the weekends.

In the mean time, I took an Advil and baked pink cupcakes. My original plan was to ice them with people's initials.. a little mid-summer night snack. But the pink icing failed me, so until it becomes gell instead of watery pink liquid the cupcakes are blank. Well, at least the headache is gone.